im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
