Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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