You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm really busy with my period
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