it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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