i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
