Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
