you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol