I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
