I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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