I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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