He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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