Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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