I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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