SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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