I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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