We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
