K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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