I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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