what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
