That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
