I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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