Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
