FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
