great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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