How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize