so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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