Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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