I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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