so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
