So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
