I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
