Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
barbara walters just said penis...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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