I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
