yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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