i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
