Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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