As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
