I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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