I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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