he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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