there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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