I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
