Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My ATM looks so different sober.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i out mim tonsoeep
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