They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
