I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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