If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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