If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
