I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
