8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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