I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize