Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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