fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
