I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize