my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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