Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
