Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
