you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
