Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
