I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
honey bunches of taint.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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