My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
