so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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