im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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