I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
