I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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