I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
