So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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