literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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