I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
