My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
