She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
