this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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