Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
