I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
