i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
