East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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