I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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