you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
