He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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